I must confess that my holiday-induced torpor has prevented me from reading the news as religiously as I did last year. Instead, I have been gorging myself on season after season of Gossip Girl (the reincarnate of The OC, for those who are pop-culturally-deprived); falling asleep under UV-heavy sunshine; throwing pillows at my ceiling as a pathetic form of exercise; and crediting my bank account on several shopping trips and eBay trawls. However, breaking my vow to follow the news incurred a dose of cosmic justice when a customer mentioned the Thailand airport incident at the restaurant:

Bored Customer: So… have you got any family in Thailand?

Me: No; unfortunately, my networks don’t extend to Thailand.

Bored: Oh you don’t know anyone over there? Aren’t you worried about what’s happening there?

Me: (Completely lost) Oh yes… but I hope it’ll work out soon…

Bored: Well it hasn’t so far.

Me: Well… the government should… handle things.

*Uncomfortable pause*.

Hence, in a thinly veiled attempt to look like I know what I’m talking about, I found myself flipping through The Age. Skimming the Odd Spot and comics, I was rewarded handsomely for my efforts when the sweet, sweet words “TOMMY HILFIGER WAREHOUSE SALE” blared in regal red and blue. Salivating at the 50% storewide discount on offer, I managed to entice devout TH followers Van, Swee and Anthony to come along.

However, I had a few qualms:

• The seemingly God-sent sale would turn out to be too good to be true, and the sale was really meant to start at 8am on December 4^th, 2009, rather than 2008.
  
• Fashionistas and The Age readers are not mutually exclusive, and all sizes below XXXL would be devoured within the first ten minutes of the sale.
• As the sale was located in none other than Richmond, I could very well be leading my friends to a warehouse filled with nothing but underworld gangsters, who placed the ad in The Age for the sole purposes of harvesting organs and trading them with China for cocaine.
• The claim “SHIRTS FROM $40” means that there would be a single shirt in the entire warehouse at $40, and it’d be a horrific eyesore either suited for Mardi Gras or a washed-up-rock-star uncle that fronted an unpopular 60s band. 

Nonetheless, in spite of sleeping through my alarm as per usual, we arrived at a warehouse filled with ample stock of XS and S. Absolutely euphoric, all of us splurged on shirts and polos, even if that meant committing the sartorial felony of buying a shirt that a friend already owns (albeit for a wonderfully cheaper price). For all those budding economists, the additional $170 of expenditure appearing in Australia’s National Accounts this period is thanks to none other than Melissa Tam, at the expense of her depressingly light wallet. However, the girls were extravagantly out-shopped by Anthony, under the claim that he was “buying presents for friends”. Needless to say, his wardrobe choices at uni next year will be scrutinised, particularly for the women’s cardigan and polo that he “purchased for Anna”.

On another note, I have a gripe about Asians. We are notorious for stinginess and other similarly infuriating behaviours, and this claim was certainly cemented when I was buying basil for the restaurant yesterday. As the boss was serving me, the Asian lady behind me in the queue managed to carry out a conversation with the boss and complete her entire transaction before I even paid my money, saving herself a grand total of 30 seconds. And if you are unable to figure out how that is physically possible, you clearly haven’t spent enough time at Box Hill Central. Annoyingly, she seemed oblivious to the look of disgust I shot at her. However, I must admit that the trademark Asian slit eyes aren’t particularly effective at conveying or perceiving emotion – for obvious reasons.

- The Spendthrift Sloth

Quotes of the Day:

“I finally know what it feels like to be a girl.” – Brendan, finally castrated.

“I like my men like I like my wine. OLD.” – Van the Tomb Raider.

“Omg Mel I’m sooo screwed. Why do I only like MEN?” – Van, who perhaps needs to spend more time with girl-schoolers, cough.

Labels: Outings, Rants

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